rewritethepast: (hmm)
[personal profile] rewritethepast
[started at 11:23 pm, April 14, 2007]

I look at the clock. It’s 11:23 pm, and the sky has long gone dark and the neighborhood silenced. It’s always been a clock-watching day, this day. Every time this day in the year goes by, my awareness of the different clocks in my domicile increases proportionally to my decreased need for sleep. And now that the day is over, time seems to have slowed to a crawl, that I’ve typed this sentence and it’s only 11:25 pm by my electronic clock.

It’s funny. I don’t profess to love my birthday; it is always a day celebrated other than for my birth. If it’s not Black Saturday, Good Friday, Maundy Thursday, any other day in Holy Week, it’s Income Tax Day and my parents are indisposed as they calculate tax returns of other people. If it’s not any of these days, it’s the day of a boxing match of Pacquiao. Good heavens.

Yes, yes. And of course to my family (or at least part of them) I take the back seat once again as my boxing fanatic family members head off to watch it Pay-Per-View style.

I’ve never really liked my birthday. When I was a child, I thought that 13 was a grand old age and that when I turned it, something would pop and I’d be magically transformed into a different person. When I was 13, I thought I would wait until 18 for the magical transformation. But it was not to be, as 18 rolled around and nothing dramatic happened to me. (Unless you count having one’s hair flung about by a rollercoaster, I mean, Space Mountain in Hongkong Disneyland.)

It’s 11:33 pm. I’ve stopped to pet a stuffed toy on its head and pull on socks to warm my chilled feet. I’m 18, and in a few minutes I’ll be 19. (If you want to get technical, I’ll turn 19 on 1:43 am, since I was born at that time almost 19 years ago.) 19 and the whole world is still unexplored by me. 19 and I’ve never been able to sit on my hair or bake a cake. 19 and I still wonder if I made the right decision almost one year ago by following up on my checking a single box less than a year before that.

I wonder.

With 19, then 20 and I’ll be entering med proper. With 20 comes 21, 22, 23, and soon I’ll be 24 and walking through PGH as an intern. With 24 comes 25 and I’ll take the boards. And with 25, the real world beckons.

It’s 11:37 pm. The socks aren’t helping my feet at all; they’re turning into foot-shaped (what else would they be shaped like?) ice cubes. I feel my hair tickling my lower back, the ends long enough to enter my pants. It’s odd to think that a year and four months ago my hair was just past my shoulders. Time, and 17 turns to 18 and now it’s 23 minutes to 19 and my hair is past my waist.

With 18 came my first hold departure order, my first step into college, my first step into a PGH ward. With 18 came the feelings of sadness with the departure of many friends, of not being able to see them or even talk to them. With 18 came the meeting of new friends, of interacting with them and seeing who they were and who they weren’t. With 18 came the reminder that life goes on, even though you wish for it to stop.

With 18 came the decision to break off the thread that connects me to you, that pale thread which I hope has not turned red.

With 18 came the learning to twirl and spin and step in time to music, to skin a frog after destroying its brain and to identify its muscles. With 18 came the label of supposed intelligence and the knowledge of the hatred of others not qualified for it. With 18 came the grief at seeing people suffer and not being able to help them. With 18 came the leaving, and the leaving remains tucked in the heart of a girl and it may never go away.

With 18 came the world anew and I received it and walked on it with eyes aglow. Looking at the world in these last moments before 19, it’s so much more than what I saw of it when 18 was just a second achieved.

It’s now 11:50 pm. I have given up my feet for lost, they might turn black from the cold and eventually fall off. My hair needs to be brushed, but I can’t find my comb. There’s 9 minutes to the last day of summer, how many hours until Pacquiao enters the boxing ring, and months and months until I see you again. If I see you again.

I don’t want to count anymore. (But it’s 11:54 pm.) Has it all been in vain, everything I’ve done? I don’t know.

Who knows what 19 will bring? Desecration of cat carcasses and organic chemistry, I know, and maybe even old friends that may return. But there are still many things hidden in the shadows, and I’ll need to count down the minutes to get closer to them.

It’s 11:59 pm. Let my last thought before 19 be this: perhaps it wasn’t a bad year after all.

And let my first thought at 19 be this: perhaps this won’t be a bad year after all.

****

taken from [livejournal.com profile] chnzo, [profile] ballisticgal, [profile] voldemort_a, and [personal profile] uno_animo

How it works:
1. Open your library (iTunes, Winamp, Media Player, iPod, etc.)
2. Put it on shuffle
3. Press play
4. For every question, type the song that's playing
5. When you go to a new question, press the next button


Opening Credits
u + me = us (calculus) - 2GE+HER
I know my calculus
it says you + me = us


Ano sa...

So we start the hypothetical story of myself with me pining for some bloke. Okay, not bad.

Eek. Calculus. Dreaded word.


Waking Up
Desert Rose - Sting
I dream of rain
I dream of gardens in the desert sand
I wake in vain
I dream of love as time runs through my hand


In fairness, the lyrics do speak of waking up. ;)

So I am thinking about loving said bloke and not being able to tell him. And time is running up and I might never see him again? Wow, it's like me back in I have no idea when. Not.


First Day At School
We Will Meet Again - Pokemon the 8th movie
Nothing can stop this journey, across this unknown land!
Like a fire that keeps on burning, we will make our stand


If UP is an unknown land... and it probably is. :)

Um, and we're always prodded to take stands here. Hmmm.


Falling In Love
Next Year - Foo Fighters
Into the night we shine
Lighting the way we glide by
Catch me if I get too high
When I come down
I'll be coming home next year


Too happy a song to apply to me. Boo.

Fight Song
What a Wonderful World - Louis Armstrong
I see trees of green, red roses too
I see them bloom for me and you
And I think to myself, what a wonderful world


Nandayo?????? I must not be a fighter. Why is this even in my computer? Ah, we were assigned to know it for SocSci. Not that we did anything with it.

Breaking Up
Everything I'm Not - The Veronicas
I was losing myself to somebody else
But now I see
I don't wanna pretend
So this is the end of you and me

Cause the girl that you want
She was tearing us apart
Cause she's everything
Everything I'm not


And there goes my heart on the ground again, twitching once, then breaking into a million pieces. Good song pick, it is actually a break up song. :)

Prom
July, July! - The Decemberists
and the water rolls down the drain
the water rolls down the drain
oh what a lonely thing!
in a lonely drain!



Kadonkan. Unless this means that many insane things happened at said prom (which isn't too off the mark). Prom doesn't even happen in July.

Maybe I'll drown at prom??? Heehee. And fall down a drain???


Life Is Good
A Long December - Counting Crows
A long December and there's reason to believe
Maybe this year will be better than the last
I can't remember the last thing that you said as you were leavin'
Now the days go by so fast


I'll just ignore the fact that this song is actually complaining about life, thanks. :|

Wait, so the bloke left me? Donk. Why would life be good? Maybe the bloke was a wuss and his leaving me was a good thing?.


Mental Breakdown
Hard Candy - Counting Crows
And when you wake the morning covers you with light
And it makes you feel alright
But it's just the same hard candy
You're remembering again


In some demented way, it works. This is the second Counting Crows song, though. Wonder what that means.

So I break down after he leaves me. But his leaving me is a good thing? So my mental breakdown is brought about by extreme happiness?

I'm confused.


Driving
Girl Next Door - Saving Jane
Maybe I'll admit it
I'm a little bitter
Everybody loves her but I just wanna hit her

I don't know why I'm feeling sorry for myself
I spend all my time wishing that I was someone else


Maybe this means I'm going to run her (whoever she may be, if she isn't hypothetical... the crush of said bloke?) over? Lol.

Flashback
Mr. Brightside - The Killers
Jealousy
Turning saints into the sea
Turning through sick lullaby
Choking on your alibi
But it's just the price I pay
Destiny is calling me
Open up my eager eyes
I'm Mr. Brightside


So I'm jealous (and I remember it), then I run her over. Oooh. Or maybe I remember after I run her over. Maybe I should just run him over if he is a wuss (as provided by A Long December).

Getting Back Together
November - Azure Ray
So I'm waiting for this test to end
So these lighter days can soon begin
I'll be alone but maybe more carefree
Like a kite that floats so effortlessly
I was afraid to be alone
Now I'm scared thats how I'd like to be


Again, I wonder why my Windows Media Player's shuffle function is giving me songs that directly refute the defined category.

Following the flow of my hypothetical story, though, I don't think I'd want to get back together with someone right after I run someone else (the cause of jealousy) over. At least, I think I'm not that insane (or emotionally deranged) yet. Then again, I did have a mental breakdown sometime ago (as provided by Hard Candy), so maybe my brain's fried already.

I am realizing I am very glad that this is just hypothetical.


Wedding
How You Remind Me - Nickelback
It's not like you didn't know that
I said I love you and I swear I still do
And it must have been so bad
Cause living with me must have damn near killed you


Windows Media Player is having so much fun with me that I want to cry. Or laugh. Or continue my hypothetical story.

So where was I? Um, I hypothetically get back together with said guy after running some bloke over then I realize that we're wrong for each other at the wedding???? So this is Runaway Bride, Philippine Edition???


Paying The Dues
Army of Dreamers -Broder Daniel
We’re the army of dreamers
We’re the idle people
We’re the ones that don’t count
Waiting in the background

But we are mirrors to this world
We speak, if we’re heard
But we bleed, if we’re hurt
And we seethe, if we’re burned


Okay. Um. I will disregard the fact that Windows Media Player is toying with me yet again.

So I get married (??? Or maybe I ran away, I don't know.) and realize I can't pay my dues because I mean nothing to this world? Okay. Maybe I'm in my own little world (after marriage???).


The Night Before The War
Erase/Rewind - The Cardigans
Yes, I said it's fine before
But I don't think so no more
I said it's fine before
I've changed my mind
I take it back
Erase and rewind
'cause I've been changing my mind


On the night before the war she succumbed to her feelings that she had been running away from ever since the chorus of How You Remind Me and erm... changed her mind?

Lol. I tried. I don't even know what kind of war this is. I'm not Prince Hector or Leonidas or anything. Donk.


Final Battle
By Your Side - Allison Crowe
I can't hold on
To this now
Your eyes are cold
I don't know how


Okay. Um. I thought I was the one fighting the battle. Wait. So actually it is my hypothetical husband/s.o. who fought the battle and I was just erm, someone who supported him? (Like Andromache in the Iliad, maybe?) Or maybe I should look at the lyrics again.

If I could come
Back to you
It always comes
Back to you
But knowing you
And wanting you
Are separate
And I am desperate


If we assume that the war is not a physical one and is just battling feelings... Okay.

That sucks. (And destroys the whole theory I had going with Erase/Rewind.) So I succumb to this man, whoever he is, and then I erm, fight it? Or something? Then I'm lost in this hypothetical story.

Thank god it's just hypothetical.


Moment of Triumph
Night Air - Teddy Geiger
And I feel like I do
Even more now that I'm leaving
Well, I feel just like I do when I'm with you


My feelings have not fallen away
You're my every thought yeah
Everything will go on its own way
Everything is ok we can try to make it


Okay, can I just say WTF????? Thank you. I'm confused because the song itself is contradictory.

So I succeed in the battle? Or whoever I'm supporting succeeds? I wonder what war this was.


Death Scene
Slip Out (A Little More than Before) - Beck
Recalling my torn broken, aching heart of these long days.
And all the memories I wanted to forget for making leaps.
Recalling, aching, breaking, crying, making sure to me.
And I take all and grin at my future on the way.


Considering I am considered a rabid anime fan by my classmates in Intarmed (okay, maybe not rabid) it's funny that this is only the second anime song that came up (first is Pokemon). I'm lucky that both of them are in English; I don't want to translate songs right now.

Wait, I died and erm, I am thinking of my future? Eternal life? Or am I going to be resurrected? Lol.

Am I taking this meme too seriously? *hears everyone say yes*


Funeral Song
Passion - Utada Hikaru (Kingdom Hearts 2)

I spoke too soon. Maybe not an anime song, but a game song. In Japanese. Shooooooot. Wait, this is a popular song. It might have a translation online.

Mae wo muitereba mata aemasu ka
Mirai wa doko edemo tsudzuiterunda
Ookina kanban no shita de
Jidai no utsuroi wo miteitai na

Trans:
If we advance forth, can we ever meet again?
The future goes on to everywhere
Beneath the large signboard
I want to keep watching the eras changing


Thank you, site for the lyrics and translation.

Okay. Ummm. So I die thinking of said hypothetical person who I ran away from in the wedding (or married???) and think that we'll see each other in erm, the great beyond? Or the fiery beneath? *shot*


End Credits
Science v. Romance - Rilo Kiley
as for those things (as for those things)
that act as markers in your life
but in between (but in between)
you can't remember
and so it seems (and so it seems)
that you've grown up and over me (up and over me)
and these silly things (these silly things)
i like to dwell on

facts versus romance
you go and call yourself the boss
but we're not robots inside a grid


Even to the last, Windows Media Player is playing with me. Is this a tribute to my Pisay roots? (Does Windows Media Player even know I went to Pisay?) Or maybe my death = freedom for the lover bloke and myself. So it was a bad relationship? I'm confused. Gaaaah.

Remind me never to do this again unless I have given my Windows Media Player a severe talking-to.

And now I want to write an actual story based on this. Nooooooooooo.




Site Meter

Date: 2007-04-14 05:57 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] amethyst-water.livejournal.com
Happy Birthday Lorraine! *hugs*
Celebrate. Be happy. Have lots of hugs and presents. XD

I had almost the same thoughts about turning 13! Then it was 16. I never bothered with turning 18, as long as I don't have a debut, am happy.

so the next magic age is 24? wheee~

Date: 2007-04-15 02:47 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] rewritethepast.livejournal.com
Thank you Clao-Clao :) *hugs back* The Philippines would probably want me to wish for Pacquiao's victory as a birthday present =P

Hee, I thought that 18 would be a magical age but I had no debut =P Ah well. 16 wasn't really emphasized in our family for some reason XP so I didn't notice it much. (Also was still dismayed by nothing happening at 13.) My sister had a debut when I was 14, that's why I thought 18 would be so magical and transforming. Ah well. =P

so the next magic age is 24? wheee~

Yeah :) I think that's internship and hopefully when that time comes I'll be "magically" intelligent and determined in medicine :) Hopefully =P

Date: 2007-04-15 12:34 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] whirlingstorm06.livejournal.com
happy birthday lorraine!!!

Date: 2007-04-15 02:48 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] rewritethepast.livejournal.com
Sankyu Trebor-san :)

*blink* Hypnotizing avatar you've got there =P

Date: 2007-04-15 01:43 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] polayn-jap.livejournal.com
happy birthday lorraine!!!

i believe you had the most exciting year as an adult. :D

and i hope that this year will be much much better for you :D

goodluck sa intarmed!!! alam kong kaya mo yan! (same comment applies to pacquiao XP)

Date: 2007-04-15 02:51 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] rewritethepast.livejournal.com
Thank you Pauline-san :) :)

I don't know the results of the fight (or if it's even started XP) but I'm sure chaos will happen if he loses so I hope he wins =P

Date: 2007-04-15 02:53 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] rewritethepast.livejournal.com
[Edit] // Why does LJ not allow us to edit comments?

*happen = overwhelm the Philippines

Date: 2007-04-15 05:37 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] polayn-jap.livejournal.com
oww...i already know who won!!!

but i won't tell you who...ehehehe XP

Date: 2007-04-15 06:12 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] rewritethepast.livejournal.com
Hee, 'tis ok. :) I had a feeling he would win anyway. >_< Or else I bet all the people watching would rebel and stuff. =P

Date: 2007-04-15 04:51 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] brute-and-glob.livejournal.com
happy birthday, dearest :)

Date: 2007-04-15 06:14 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] rewritethepast.livejournal.com
Thank you Nikki-san :) :)

Hope you'll have a great first day of summer classes :)

Date: 2007-04-15 05:21 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] chnzo.livejournal.com
yes you took the meme too seriously XD

anyway HAPPY BIRTHDAY lorraine! \:D/ hope this day would be a great one for you ;)

Date: 2007-04-15 06:16 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] rewritethepast.livejournal.com
Thank you Vinni-san :) :)

Hee, it was ok :) Medyo nainis ang kuya ko dahil mabilis laban ni Pacquiao pero nanalo naman siya so ok lang rin daw. =P

At least I did not get the first English Pokemon Theme Song for my Wedding song ;) Medyo ewan nalang anong klaseng kasal yan. =P

Date: 2007-04-15 05:50 am (UTC)
ext_11633: (greys - derek; brain surgeon)
From: [identity profile] oatmeal-cookie.livejournal.com
Happy happy birthday, Lorraine! :D Did you get my text message kanina? Hehe.

With 18 came the feelings of sadness with the departure of many friends, of not being able to see them or even talk to them. With 18 came the meeting of new friends, of interacting with them and seeing who they were and who they weren’t. With 18 came the reminder that life goes on, even though you wish for it to stop.

Hay. The world just spins madly on, frustratingly unaware of our neuroses and angst and career issues and general confusion about life and its insanities. And maybe that's what all of us need to learn - life just goes on and on and on, no matter what.

It's going to be a wonderful year, you're right about that. :) God bless. ♥

Date: 2007-04-15 06:19 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] rewritethepast.livejournal.com
Thank you Lara-san :) Yup, actually you were the first one to greet me :) I replied but it seems Smart hates me again. >_< Boo. Joanne texted me my number by accident first =P

Agree :) It's sometimes hard to remember, but it's the truth.

I hope it'll be a wonderful year for all of us :) God bless you too :)

Date: 2007-04-15 07:03 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] keedowshkee.livejournal.com
happy birthday lorraine :)

Date: 2007-04-15 06:20 pm (UTC)

Date: 2007-04-15 07:59 am (UTC)

Date: 2007-04-15 06:20 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] rewritethepast.livejournal.com
Thank you :)

Date: 2007-04-15 09:03 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] moodswings08.livejournal.com
happy birthday, lorraine! :D

see you tom :)

Date: 2007-04-15 06:21 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] rewritethepast.livejournal.com
Hee, thanks :)

See you... *checks time* in 6 hours and 30 minutes :)

Date: 2007-04-15 09:28 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] anne-08.livejournal.com
happy 19th birthday lorraine! :D

Date: 2007-04-15 06:21 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] rewritethepast.livejournal.com
Thanks Anne :) We're the same age now :)

HAPPY B-DAY!!!

Date: 2007-04-16 03:23 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] my-petunia.livejournal.com
Psssst!

I texted you happy bday kahapon...

But just in case!

HAPPY BDAY ULI!!!!


Kahit na magkalayo tayo ng school, I still appreciate your existence in this world. And forever and ever na yun!!!
T.T

Ok stop...emo na ako.

Re: HAPPY B-DAY!!!

Date: 2007-04-17 07:15 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] rewritethepast.livejournal.com
Thank you :) :) :)

At the risk of sounding emo also, I feel the same way :)

Date: 2007-04-16 01:35 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] http://users.livejournal.com/bea__/
Haaappyy Birthday!

Date: 2007-04-17 07:16 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] rewritethepast.livejournal.com
Thank you Bea-san :)

Date: 2007-04-16 04:36 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] quickerbrownfox.livejournal.com
Hey! Why are you older than me now? Aww... Hehe... Happy age increment day!(a bit late, pardon me for that.)

Date: 2007-04-17 07:17 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] rewritethepast.livejournal.com
We were only the same age for 13 days, hee. Thank you :) It's ok, I was very late with your greeting :(

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