rewritethepast: (resignation)
I haven't posted in a week. >_< I've sunk to new lows. Still now, I'm not finished with a lot of things I need to do. Ah well. I've been thinking too much again. I wish that I could turn off my brain sometimes. But with my luck, I'd probably just forget to turn it on again. >_<

Note: Different people were involved in all parts of the story. Well, actually the people in the first two parts are the same, but they are different distinct people compared to those in the third and fourth part.

Intro: This is a true story, yet some details are omitted or made unclear for the safety of certain people, most of all me. :) This story is more understandable if you've actually been reading my lj for at least eight months (basically, while I was in Pisay). (Haha, that's long.) Still, I tried to make it reference-free for those who aren't used to my writing style yet.

And you know, I'm still not done with you, Homecoming. There's still another story to write, which will probably appear after my 3rd Departmental Exam in Math on Thursday. :)

An Alumni Homecoming Story in Four Parts )

Note (added September 12, 2006): Obviously the person referred to in Parts 1 and 2 is not the same as the person referred to in Parts 3 and 4. Or if they are, I think I may have written a mistake in somewhere. *donk* I believe the person's identity in Parts 3 and 4 is obvious due to a number of key statements. However, it's the person's identity in Parts 1 and 2 that's the same as number 51 in my second contest :)

***

I'm glad I saw Jhud-san and Jar-san at Homecoming :) Although I was shocked by their physical appearance at first. Arvin-san also looks different. Ok, a lot of guys basically got hairier. >_< (As compared to Intarmed males who visit the barber at least once a month?) Still nice to see known people other than those in Intarmed again that are in my age range. :)

I'm glad I got to see a lot of people, although most of them were Lithium. (This was inevitable because apparently they were all attracted - by some sort of chemical/magnetic bond- to the Lithium Intarmed people.) I'm glad I got to see my anime-loving buddies too :)

Hmmm. I got accused of having footbinding done on my feet a lot that night (the lily feet). O.o I know I'm Chinese, but we're not that traditional... And I think my feet are normal sized (if not large)?... 7 and 1/2 to 7 to 6 and 1/2 (for kids)... of course if I chop my toes off like they did in China back then I'd probably lose the 1/2...

Actually, my feet look small compared to my brothers'. One has a 10 shoe size while the other has a 12 shoe size. >_<

I think the shoes I was wearing during homecoming just did a good job of shrinking my feet, that's all. :)

***

Contest :) Clue added to no. 20 :) )

Right now, Vinni-san's still leading :)

***

I fell up the stairs last Friday :( (And no, that's not a mistake. I really did fall "up" the stairs as opposed to "down". I fell on a higher step from whence I came. Only happens to me.) I now have a very unattractive bruise on my left leg, and it's all for nothing since we didn't succeed. >_<

Why oh why must we not succeed in walking out of Kom??? (Success Rate: 1 in 3 attempts. And we only got the one because we hid in the secret RH area for around 10 minutes.)

***

Please get well soon, my almost name-twin... (or is it name almost-twin? >_<)

***

I finished collecting the Pokemon Advanced Generation Happy Meal Set :) (Note: This is the one created for the release of Movie 8.)

I remember the old days in grade school when I tried to complete old sets... like the 101 Dalmatian set that I did not complete even after it was repeated (because of the live-action film) and the Snoopy set (with 28 different countries) that I did finish... and the old Hot Wheels cars and the little Barbie dolls...

I wonder how many Happy Meals I've bought in this lifetime so far... and how many I'll buy in my lifetime, whether it be for myself or for future spawn (LOL)...
rewritethepast: (determined)
In NSTP yesterday we were taught many things about infectious diseases.

Signs of a bird with avian flu:
Crown is purple.
Weak in general.
Nasal and beak discharge.
etc.

Also, a confirmation of leptospirosis. (Which is the disease you get from exposure to rat urine, which can be fatal if not treated.)

Also, we debunked the idea that looking into the eyes of a person with sore eyes will be equal to getting sore eyes.

We learned about the Father of Handwashing and the ancestor of Alcogel, chlorinated lime solution!

But best of all, we learned how to wash our hands properly! :) There are six simple steps to washing one's hand properly.

The six steps! )

These steps are important since we apparently miss a lot of areas using our normal ways of washing hands.

Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting

Very scary. Yet at least we have found out.

Also, we were given freebies :) Some of us won special purple hand sanitizer (Ahem, Joan Joanne.). Everyone got a free bar of antibacterial soap. :) And we all got this nifty pin :)

Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting

***

Busted! )

***

It's been two weeks or so since I first got it, and now I don't know how I lived without it for so long. :)

I love white yellow pad!!! :) (aka Business Pad) Now I can use correction tape on yellow pad without being very very obvious :) :) As I loved yellow pad before (and wrote the infamous stories on it) now I will love and love and love my white yellow pad (and probably write more infamous stuff on it) :) :)

I should stock up on it now :) Sa Katipunan palang ako nakakita eh. :(

***

The dangers of having synesthesia, PE style. Also, the colors I see when I hear the song 'Sex Bomb'. Haha. )

***

Whatever the hell that thing was at the bottom of my last entry. )

***

Okay, Math question. (Since we just had our departmental exam on Tuesday.)

For any real number, k, w, x, and y, the statement w varies jointly as x and y means w = kxy. True or false?

***

Speaking of which, I wonder if we'll ever have a departmental exam in Math that starts on time. Twice, there has been delays. (We start at past 6:00 -at least- when we should have started at 5:30 pm.) The first was because of possible brownouts, seating arrangements, etc. while the second was due to room problems. We were told to go to our normal room, then we were told to move to this other room. We wait a long time for our teacher to appear. Then we were made to go away by the Behavioral Science teacher since it was their room, after all. Then we go to our original room, which is locked. >_< Then we go to the next room which is small, cramped, and has no aircon. So there is a shortage of armchairs, so people have to get them also.

Of course our teacher lamented the uselessness of his prepared seat plan instead of soothing our ruffled/smashed emotions. Interestingly enough, he still hasn't gotten the memo that David is in New Zealand and isn't going to claim his slot in Intarmed anytime soon. (Even though David-san has not attended any Math class ever.) >_< Donk.

It's unfair. The other classes were allowed to use calculators. We were the only ones not allowed to use them. Stupid biased piyok man teacher. (What a description.) I know we may be erm, considered highly intelligent, but it's unfair to deny us something granted to all the other Math 17 classes in UP Manila! *is bitter*

***

Philo class musings... )

***

Belated Happy Birthday Clar-san!!! :)

***

Hey, is everyone going to the Alumni Homecoming on September 2? I want to go! :) I hope I can go. O.o

Maybe I should start another contest (and give the prize out then, if the winner isn't out of the country - of course if you're from Intarmed, I can give it directly. If you're neither, I'll figure out a way. Haha.). LBC hates me. (Sorry Josef-san!!! I'll try again this weekend!) Would anyone join, though? Haha.

***

Obviously I am procrastinating from finishing homework for my very unit-heavy yet brain-numbing-in-more-ways-than-one subject.

I have a new theory about why Mr. Teacher's always late and sweaty, though.

***

If I ever say goodbye, let's hope I'm strong enough to not falter and run back and say 'Hello again.'
rewritethepast: (resignation)
Exactly one year ago, I was a wreck. It was the day before I took my UPCAT, and I certainly didn't want to do anything other than curl up and die, for various reasons (physical, mental, emotional). I was dead sure that I wouldn't pass the UPCAT because of so many reasons but the most important being that he had told me the day before that I sucked in Physics. Granted, I do suck at it but it's probably not the nicest thing to say right before the UPCAT. Not to mention the importance of the person who said it to me. Not to mention the first class (double period, mind you) I'd have on Monday would be the indomitable STR taught by the equally indomitable Ma'am Y. who would surely bash and wreck our STR proposal to the point of no return and likewise play that sadistic game with our brains and emotions that would make me want to run and cry and sleep in Math if not for my equally indomitable yet infinitely kinder Ma'am S.

Well... )

***

Recap of the Week, tabulated:
1. Kim, ang galing mo :) Intarmed has been avenged (sa Mindbreakers)!
2. I am traumatized by JF twirling Bean around in his arms... (note that Bean is a guy)
3. I realized how sensitive I am to sound (and the colors I see because of it) yet again when my classmates made a din while reviewing for PE's written exam. I honestly couldn't see anything in there other than multiple colors washing over each other (and obviously not my handwritten notes), so I left the room and studied in the corridor with Danni.
4. I had only one KOM class this week, and it was already too much, dangit!!!!
5. The only arcade game I'm good at is one that doesn't give any tickets :(
6. BTIC is good :) Cherry Marble = love.
7. I was told something that would have broken my heart a few weeks ago but now is more of a relief. Good job, self.
8. I am writing something that seems to be related to a certain first year piece. Although now, instead of it being set in English class, it's set in a class wherein I contemplate the number of times my teacher goes piyok every 20 minutes in it.
9. Intarmed debates in Philo = painful throbbing in head. My notes = gibberish.
10. Ardynne scares me. A lot. I thought I was getting used to him, but what he did (to me) on Thursday is very traumatic and nightmare-rendering. Then again, I think anyone would be traumatized by what he did.

***

Speaking of looking back, I had a dream on Thursday. (Okay, a nightmare.) Guess what was the Star?

STR. Specifically, there being an oral defense the next day and me not having anything of our final paper nor visuals. >_< As in zero. Zilch. As in wala nga Intro. Lalo pa results. And my STR groupmates nowhere to be seen (but this is usual).

Damnit. I got a 1.75 already as my final grade, dangit (sorry po, mataas na ito talaga sa akin dahil Ma'am Y. kami)! Make STR stop being my fear already!

You know, we have this yahoo group for STR. Up to now, I still dread opening my email because I keep thinking "Oh shoot, baka may email nanaman si Ma'am Y." Then I hit myself on the head because I remember that I'm in college now. No more Pisay STR to haunt me.

When will it stop, though?

Maybe when I finish Med School. Haha.
rewritethepast: (neopet petpet)
Pinagpalit ko ang isang orientation para sa mga candidate ng Star Scholar para sa isang presentasyon sa Filipino.

Sana naman matuloy siya diba. Kundi sinayang ko lang ang binigyang premyo sa akin. At di ko pa nalaman kung bakit binigyan kami ng susi diba. Made in China pa raw siya. >_<


[Edit at 7:21 am: Okay. Change of plans due to my adviser calling me up and basically forcing me to go. Hahaha. All that angst for nothing.]

***

I think it's time to take a break from the real-life drama I'm currently embroiled in.

More KOL, anyone?

***

Hmm. A lot of people are asking me if I'm going to Ateneo now.

I wonder why.

Let me just say that if I end up going there, it won't be because I get a free gym membership if I do so. ;)

***

I'm really tired of this Econ research thing already.

Make all these sites stop giving me adware, spyware, malware, trojans, etc.

Or at least make them stop asking me for $110.

***

Today at homeroom I couldn't see anything. I'm serious.

I was attempting to study for our "surprise" long test in AdProg when suddenly Neil-san started talking. Blam: swirls of green and blue and red started dancing in front of my eyes.

Then Mael-san started talking. Blam: more swirls appeared, this time of the green and silver and red and brown variety. Now Mael-san has a loud voice, so it was very painful. Then Elaine-san started talking too. Blam: more colors appeared.

Then Bea-san asked me if I wanted to go to a movie on Thursday. At this point I saw a faint orange tinge somewhere in the vicinity. Then Michi-san talked too and purple overwhelmed the orange. So I said that I couldn't see Bea-san. >_< And I got confused because a red blob started talking too, one who was next to the really faint orange wave. It was Albert-san :)

And it went downhill from there. Everyone was talking and talking so much and their colors clashed and clashed and people also sang off-key and I just wanted to curl up and die. Except I still had that long test next period.

I couldn't even see the handout I was supposed to study. I had to ask Neil-san (I think it was Neil-san) what handout I was holding. He said it was the FOSS one. (I think.) And more of the green and blue and red waves. And Don-san was talking too, so there was this brown-gray wave that was blinding me also. Then another classmate of mine screamed and the room became bright bright yellow, the kind that's like a certain yellow Pokemon mouse that I have a lot of stuffed toys of.

Oww. Thankfully it subsided a bit after that.

I think I need to get a stronger dosage of medicine now. I don't think it's effective anymore.

***

Ten Top Trivia Tips about Lorraine!

  1. It's bad luck to put Lorraine on a bed.
  2. Some people in Malaysia bathe their babies in beer to protect them from Lorraine.
  3. Lorraine is worth her weight in gold - literally.
  4. The patron saint of Lorraine is Saint Eugenie.
  5. Abraham Lincoln, who invented Lorraine, was the only US president ever granted a patent.
  6. US gold coins used to say 'In Lorraine we trust'.
  7. India tested its first nuclear Lorraine in 1974.
  8. In the Spanish edition of Cluedo, Lorraine is the victim!
  9. The international dialling code for Lorraine is 672!
  10. The Australian billygoat plum contains a hundred times more Vitamin C than Lorraine!
I am interested in - do tell me about


Considering that I am allergic to large amounts of Vitamin C, this is very amusing. And the fact that there is a region in France named Lorraine.

I'm worth my weight in gold? Really? Let me gain some more pounds then. :)


***

Rumor: Feb 18, midnight = UPCAT results. Hahaha.

After prom, UP tayo! :) In our prom gowns and suits! Hahahahahaha tatawanan tayo ng mga taga-UP.

***

Shoot. Ang gwapo niya. Wala lang.

He is more photogenic than I'll ever be.

Pero talo ko siya sa music. :) At least with the no. of instruments we can play.
rewritethepast: (poor grundo)
If I had gotten to use the internet earlier, you would have seen an entry that bitched about my English groupmates. Really, it would have started out as "This entry is dedicated to the fact that Don Lima, Neil Ortega, etc. suck to the highest power, etc. ad nauseum."

Dang that wi-fi crashing and dying this week.

Now, I've cooled off. And I guess some of them have apologized. Some just don't give a damn.

I think I really shouldn't care anymore.

***

Yeah, I didn't go to school Friday afternoon. Sorry. How was CAT?

I went to the hospital. Had an x-ray. Got diagnosed for what was causing me to limp terribly these last two days.

Diagnosis:
"Muscle near hip is tired. Patient needs bed rest. Also needs to use walking aid for a while. Take muscle relaxant once a day and whenever necessary."

I'll only get rest when STR and all its insaitable requirements are over and done with.

And that'll be after graduation, I suppose.

***

I now have some medicine (real, working for 3 hours +) for my synesthesia! :) Let's hope it lasts long enough for me to handle YMSAT week.

***

It's interesting how synesthesia (or at least my variant of it) keeps a person from being bored during batch picture taking. There was this Gluon boy behind me that gave off red dots. Yeah, dots, not waves, like usual. (I haven't seen it in many people.) Everytime he talked, red splotches of color would appear before me, even when I tried to avoid them by closing my eyes. (Yes, I know it's futile.) It was disturbing because it was the exact color of blood when it's freshly spilled.

***

I think I just failed Chem. Again.

Gah. I really like Chem (and its logic), but the qualitative part kills me a little. It's because everyone is talking while we do the experiments, the colors I see in the test tube get distorted. Sort of like Physics with the transistor thing because everyone was talking very loudly and I had to ask my partner for the colors. (Thank goodness it was Wilson-san.)

Let's hope that my medicine can last two hours on Feb 21 (when we take our practical test).

***

I got into UST! :)

***

The third year kids are weird. I heard an 07 guy say distinctly to another 07 guy "Bakit ba ang mga girls short?" Eek. Brushing the super-mega-scary Taglish aside, the kid who asked wasn't really tall or anything either. I think he was one inch taller than me (which means he's 5'0).

***

Someone told me "I wish I had your life" Wednesday.

Yeah, you want my life. So what if I'm top 2% in Ateneo, a candidate for Star Scholar, Top 6 in Mapua, 1.25 in Ma'am Oblepias' English class, have a "kickass" STR proposal and groupmates, have money (supposedly), etc. You don't really want what I am. You just say that because you don't know me at all, or at least one tiny teeny bit.

You don't know what it's like to feel that your hip joint is popping out (and in) with every movement you make (and to be told it's true by all the surgeons you talk to). You don't know what it's like if your muscles are cut during surgery (well, I guess Elmar-san and a few others know). You don't know anything of what I experience every day, just waking up. You think I look like hell all the time because I don't sleep? Think again.

And that's only the physical sense. My mind and my familial situation's fucked up to hell.

No, you don't want my life. I'm the only one who has to experience this life. Be thankful for that.
rewritethepast: (Default)
Yeah, I changed some things about my livejournal. I realized that my previous title, etc. didn't fit the color scheme and decided to modify them. Everything is based on the fact that I have synesthesia, which I have had for seventeen years and have accepted.

Why Incandescence?

in·can·des·cence n.
1. The emission of visible light by a hot object.
2. The light emitted by an incandescent object.
3. A high degree of emotion, intensity, or brilliance.

(From American Heritage Dictionary of the English Language, 2000.)

Considering the things I post here, I feel that it is appropriate.

Let's see how long the layout lasts.

***

My absence on Friday, not that many noticed... )

***

Picture taking! )

***

Weird things happened at Pisay today. (I was there sadly because of STR.) There was this Korean (??) competition being held. While I sat by one of the green tables in the front lobby waiting for my STR groupmate, lots of people kept coming up to me asking where the bathrooms were. When I pointed to the bathrooms, they asked which one was the girls and the boys cr. >_< (They couldn't understand the signs?)

Of course my groupmate gets to school one hour and a half after the time we set, when I had finally fallen asleep on the green tables. Damn.

We saw Melo-san and Lissa-san there. :) They were using the machines that take extract from things. >_< I didn't know peanut extract was pink and bubbly. It's a pretty pink too, the kind I see when my roommate speaks. I sort of wish we had done something like that too instead of our undying solenoid + mosquito parasite project.

***

Well. I know I said in my last entry that I wouldn't fake it anymore. But I can't do it.

Why? I guess I don't want him to feel sad. I guess in the end I still want his friendship. Yeah, I guess I still do.

This is why I hate myself. I don't want people to be sad; I'd rather I take on all the sadness and let them be happy. Even if they deserve to feel low and useless and like the scum of the earth that they are.

I can't escape it.

I'll be eaten alive in college because of this.

***

You know something?

I love him.

You know something else?

I don't think I'll ever stop loving him.

***

Hey. You. Yeah, you.

After all these years at Pisay with you in my life...

I think that nothing is better or worse than waking up every morning and thinking that I love you.

(And if you've seen this line in [profile] textsecret, yeah, I'm the one who submitted it.)
rewritethepast: (poor grundo)
A lot of people were wondering how I lived my life with synesthesia (in my case, seeing colors whenever I hear something). The truth is, my synesthesia disappeared for a while in grade school. Apparently synesthesia can temporarily disappear if a traumatic event occurs. For me, I guess it could have been my getting operated on or something else that happened around that time (lots of things happened around that time, like Bill Clinton's sex scandal). I don't know that much about it either. It slowly came back after my last operation (some time in 2001?) and then grew stronger around the end of third year in Pisay. And now it's really strong now. >_<

As a child, I was not diagnosed with it because my mother brought me to the wrong type of doctor. She brought me to an ophtalmologist, who said that I had 20-20 vision. Apparently a neurologist is the doctor able to diagnose such a disorder. Yes, lucky me. So for all these years I thought I was insane because I saw spots of color everywhere when there was noise. Ah well, at least I know I'm not insane because of that. >_<

***

Yesterday was supposed to be a good day. (Except for the CAT duties of doom.) Not much classes, free ice cream, etc.

Unfortunately, something I've rarely experienced came true that day. I thought my synesthesia was mild enough, but apparently not then.

Andok-san called me "wasted" today. I guess that's how I looked to those who noticed me yesterday.

My synesthesia was at full force today. Maybe it's because of the hangover medicine I took, or because of all the stress I've had these last two weeks.

It was bad enough in English. I could hardly see Ma'am Oblepias because of the waves of color her voice evoked. I only knew she was in the middle of the room because there was a huge green and pink colored blob there speaking perfect English during our presentation.

Then things got worse around Math time. Actually, it was a walk-out. Seeing as Andok-san was a blue-violet wave to my eyes now, I decided that I'd better go to the dorm and sleep, and maybe my synesthesia would lessen (of course, this is wishful thinking).

Then 11:00 am came, and bam. I went to 316 because we (Graviton) were supposed to stay there since Sir Vlad wanted to tell us something. (I thought it was about our less-than-stellar performance last quarter. 16 of Grav have failures.) I felt really sick around then because everyone outside was so noisy and the colors were all swirling around in front of me. I was lucky to get into the classroom.

Apparently that was worse. When I sat down some people decided to sing really loudly the "Pare Ko" song of Eraserheads (Actually, I don't know if it was the remake by Spongecola. Sorry.). This was bad because each of the people singing had very distinct colors, which when mixed together were bad to the eyes. Also, the singing was off-key. >_< Then other people kept on shouting and shouting and talking and everything and my head started hurting really bad. I tried to block it all out by covering my ears and closing my eyes, but the colors were still there, mixing and mixing into a mess.

Then Neil-san and Don-san started talking really loud. Now Neil-san has this green-blue wave with tinges of light red, the type that's translucent, which is ok. But Don-san has this brown-gray wave, which is very very dark. (Not ugly, but dark.) When he started talking I couldn't see anything anymore, even with my eyes wide open. Everything was pitch dark with that brown-gray wave. (I could see slight colors elsewhere, but Don-san was somewhat near me at this time so they were overpowered.)

I have no idea how I survived ice cream. I really couldn't see anything at all. I'm glad that Don-san did not go near the dorm or else I probably would have fallen down the stairs going to my room. (Thank you Tatat-san for helping me get back to my classroom when I tried to escape and was told to go back.)

I slept after that. Then it wasn't so bad in Physics, etc. anymore. (Luckily I do not sit near Don-san in Physics, and that we did not have Filipino - he sits in front of me in that class.) CAT was ok because I didn't need to stay with Graviton. Sorry officers, that's why I was asking you all about who were absent and the haircuts and all that. It was hard to see everyone's faces past the colors. (Yes, marching has a corresponding color. It's the color of white and gray, a very light color. Still it is blinding if everyone does it.)

My head still hurts though. It helps when I sing because the color I see when I speak/sing is very light, nearly colorless. It helps dampen the other colors I see.

This is why I sing anime songs a lot.

***

Warning: Sir Englatera may not know who you are. He may give you demerits because he thinks you are someone else. He almost made me mark Amongo as having no uniform when it was really Calibo who had no uniform. This is especially bad because Calibo is doing a special project and should be known by Sir.

Tatlo lang meetings natin sa CAT ngayong 4th quarter! Two more to go! :) Then I can say goodbye to the drudgery of attendance taking! :)

***

I thought it was ok now. I thought maybe I could forgive you now.

Why do you keep pointing that finger at me? (And you tried it when we were around other people ignorant of what had happened between us. You keep hiding behind that joker facade of yours, letting me take the blame, letting me be the fall guy for your evil plans.)

Yes, let me look like the bad guy, why don't you. After all, apparently I don't give a damn about reputation. I hate that I have to be friendly to you because you're my groupmate in a heck of a lot of subjects and because I'm Lorraine Teo, friendly to everyone. (Let me throw everything back at you, let's see how you fare with the expectations you piled up on me.)

I thought there was a chance we could be friends again. I hoped that I could forget all those things you did to me, of how you broke me time and time again.

Stop it. Stop it. I don't want to hear any of your empty promises. I don't want to think about it anymore. I don't want to think about our relationship anymore, my almost soulmate.

You know the problem with this fight we have? I think about it too much, and you think about it too little.

Forget it. It's not worth it anymore. Now I realize it was never worth it.
rewritethepast: (gakuen alice)
First, let's have a definition:

"Synaesthesia (also spelled synesthesia); from the Greek (syn-) “union”, and (aesthesis) “sensation”; is the neurological mixing of the senses. A synaesthete may, for example, hear colors, see sounds, and taste tactile sensations. That means, the perception of one stimulus evokes a second perception. Synaesthesia is a common effect of some hallucinogenic drugs such as LSD or mescaline."

"Synaesthetes often experience correspondences between the shades of color, tones of sounds, and intensities of tastes that provoke alternate sensations. For instance, a synaesthete may see a more intense red as the pitch of a sound gets higher, or a smoother surface might make one taste a sweeter taste. These experiences are not metaphorical or merely associations; rather, they are involuntary and are consistent throughout life, although some young synaesthetes seem to lose their ability by or during adulthood. Depressants tend to increase the depth of the perception (Wikipedia contributors, 2006)."

What does this have to do with everything?

Well, I don't know if anyone knew this, but I have synesthesia. I see colors when I hear sounds. It's not uncommon for people with perfect pitch to have it (just somewhat rare, if that made any sense). Mine isn't that pronounced though. I just see colors when I hear sounds, or hear a person speaking. When my roommate speaks, for example, I see yellow and black bands of colors blending together. My LifeSci classmate evokes a blend of light green and white. I don't understand it that well either, because it just happens.

So why do I mention it?

During the Rockit! Science concert, I saw so many colors as everything happened. Everything was blending into everything else, the black with the acid green and the yellow and the navy blue and even a tinge of purple, the kind that reminds you of silk pillows. There was nothing but color, color enhancing the music that was already there.

I guess that's my review of the concert. The picture of everything at the end, with Brownman Revival, was unforgettable.

I ended up buying Spongecola and Brownman Revival cds because of the concert. >_< Yay self.

Retreat musings: Ruby '06. )

The fair pwned. I stayed in the Finance com room most of the time, or gave chits out, or even manned the CARE checkpoint of doom (which thankfully was discharged the last day), but still. I just regret that I didn't get to sing karaoke at least one time. (Although my roommate and I paid Tau to catch Nicole-san and make him sing a song of his choice.) I will never know if I could get a 100 >_<

I don't know how many chits I cut and generated, but my hands still hurt from holding scissors. Gah. >_< Makes it hard to type.

I wish I could have stayed at the Finance com room until the end, but my head suddenly hurt after the Rockit concert. (Due to the overload of colors, probably. Sorry, this was really the first concert I went to, so I guess I need to get used to seeing all those colors. It wasn't so bad with The Doppler Effect, since it was outside and I didn't finish the concert.)

I'm still happy, because so many people were. And I got to eat squidballs! :)

****

If you still don't know yet, I've just severed ties with a person I thought of as a friend for four years. If you don't know who, well...

I think it's obvious anyway.

Personally I don't know anymore what to do. I've cried enough over the matter, gotten low grades in my perios and makeup lts because of it, even gotten sick because of it. I'm sick and tired of it, this relationship. I hate feeling weak. I don't want to cry anymore, or be pushed away by my so-called friends because they accept his side unconditionally.

I don't want to feel like this anymore. I've been used too much already. I don't ever want to see him again, but I can't stop worrying about him because goddamn it, I still think of him as my friend.

But still, I don't think I can trust him anymore. I don't know if I ever really can look him in the eye again, because it will be harder to forget everything he's done.

I'm sorry. I want him to know that, but I want him to say sorry too. I want him not to want my friendship not because he just wants everyone to be friends with him. I want him to think of our friendship as different, as something different from his friendships with other people. I want him to say "Thank you, I'm happy you're my friend."

This is why I should just think of the guy I love, instead of the guy I'm I was friends with. The pain from thinking of the former is familiar, incandescent. The latter... I don't know how to deal with it at all.

I don't want to think about it anymore. But I have to.

He is my almost soulmate, after all. More importantly, he was he's my friend.

January 2008

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