0035: "Don't ask me for a why or wherefore..."

[rewritethepast]

Taken from http://www.stlyrics.com/lyrics/manoflamanchadonquixote/ireallylikehim.htm

Lyrics to "I Really Like Him" from The Man of La Mancha musical
Aldonza:
Why do you follow him?

Sancho:
That's easy to explain. It's because... a... because...

Aldonza:
Why?

Sancho:
(Singing)
I like him!
I really like him.
Tear out my fingernails one by one
I like him!

I don't have a very good reason
Since I've been with him cuckoonuts have been
In season!

But there is nothing I can do
Chop me up for onion stew
Still I'll yell to the sky
Though I can't tell you why
That I like him

Aldonza:
But what do you get out of it?

Sancho:
What do I get? Why already I've gotten... I've gotten-

Aldonza:
You've got nothing! Why do you do it?

Sancho:
. . .
(Singing)
I like him!
I really like him
Pluck me as a scolded chicken!
I like him!

Don't ask me for a why or wherefore
Since I don't have a very good because
Or therefore

You can barbecue my nose
Make a giblet of my toes
Make me freeze
Make me fry
Make me sigh
Make me cry
Still I'll yell to the sky
Though I can't tell you why
That I... like... him!

Gah. When I heard that from Sancho, I died. :) The tone of the song and the idea of Sancho...

It kills. ^_^

Though afterwards, it made me think.

And the aftermath, I guess, is this little musing.

***

It's silly, I know. I kept thinking about him all throughout this week, last week, and I'll probably end up thinking about him the next week that passes by. No matter what I do, he'll be there in my thoughts never mind whatever I'll be doing at the time, even if it's an AdProg LT.

What's more silly, people say, is that I keep on being tightlipped as to who he is.

Someone asked me a long time ago if he was "crushable". If anyone other than me had ever been attracted to him, whether it be female or male.

The truth is, I'm not sure. Surely I've heard him spoken about by girls (and boys), but none praise his looks or say he's the best guy they've known. He's just there, a shadow, a face in the crowd.

I'll be the first to tell you he's not the best guy in Pisay, or anywhere for that matter. He's not handsome, not kind, and not particularly known to be smart either. He's got a face that's best described as "funny-looking," he hangs around with questionable characters, and he's at least how many steps lower than me in a variety of subjects (yes, even Filipino, but that's because my teacher's kind).

He's not unusually unusual, as the song goes. He's not even passable. He's just there. He's just himself, the guy who aspires towards greater things no matter how silly they may be.

And I'm in love with him.

If you know he's just a normal guy, Lorraine, why don't you try to look for someone else? Someone who's handsome, who's kinder, who's smarter, or at least someone likely to return your feelings? Why be fixated on him, the unassuming him, and waste your life, the prime of your youth, on one man, who as you describe him, isn't anything special? Why, at least, don't you go back to reality, forget about him, try to breathe again?

I'm as crazy as Sancho, you see. I don't know the reason why I stay with this love, why I keep nurturing it even if it's impossible, stupid, and laughable.

I just really like him, you see.

***
I've been called "torpe", stupid, "pakipot", and even an unassumer just because I won't tell him the truth, that I love him.

Obviously this stems from people's ulterior motives, that if I confess to him the truth, he's free to tell the batch that he's the one I picked to fall in love with.

He's much better than that, people. He's worth a thousand of the people who think like that.

Get over yourselves.