Incandescence

Have you ever woken up, thinking there was no point to waking up? That waking up would just make you face everything you've run away from, all those things you wish just didn't exist?

I've been waking up and thinking that for a long while now.

Regardless, even if I'm scandalously late (and my phone is missing yet again, hiding beneath my bed for unknown reasons!), Meri Kurisumasu, Maligayang Pasko, Merry Christmas. :)

***

This Christmas I received seven bags. :) I like bags.

But of course Christmas means something else, which is the mutilation of my French first first name. Gah. You know it's bad when it's the relative you see the most that massacres your name beyond recognition (only one r, i before a, etc.) and the relatives you forgot you had spell your name perfectly.

Eighteen Christmases have shown me one thing: no matter how easy it is supposedly to pronounce one's name (on record, only one person has mispronounced my first first name, and that's my English teacher in 2nd year), it is only too easy to misspell it.

Still, it was an interesting Christmas. Thanks to everyone that texted me :) I would have texted but my phone is still hiding under the bed. >_<

***

My family decided to eat at Makati Shang for Christmas dinner.

Hee, who should be at a nearby table but Zsa Zsa Padilla and Dolphy. I didn't recognize any of the other people they were with though.

That takes care of my Celebrity Sighting quota for the year. :)

***

Hey Block 13, you know that book we're supposed to read for Humanidades 1? "Ang Daigdig ng Tao?"

Its author just passed away a few days ago this year. :(

***

It's never been an option to admit I love you, you know.

Believe me, I've tried. I've tried and tried and looked for all the opportunities to do so, even making plans for them when they wouldn't come into my life.

It's first year all over again and I'm answering a long test in Integrated Science, scribbling down answers on a piece of intermediate pad paper rapidly since I studied hard and know all the answers. I write and write and suddenly you stand up and submit your paper and all the names and scientific information in my mind disappears in an instant and my heart beats faster and nothing is left but my thinking about you, you, and only you and soon the bell rings and my paper's only half finished and I leave the classroom in a daze.

All those years and I wait, wait and wait, and still nothing comes to pass. Then it's all gone wrong and it's you and me under one of those large trees and it's your voice I remember from that night, your firm voice telling me it's all just a game, a game and my heart cracks and it's all lost and you turn away like a gentleman does so I can cry without being shamed, with only the tree and the rain as my witnesses. Yet you're still there, just a foot away, and I want to speak but my voice has gone raspy and tears are the only thing I can express coherently.

It's all a game for you.

I wish you'd realize it never was.

Maybe, maybe everything now is because of you. Maybe my insomnia, my nonexistent attention span, my pale face and wish to run away from everything is because of this uncertainty that has always surrounded us, cloaked us and made what could be into what never was.

And now I sleep and sleep, hoping never to wake up, never to see the sunlight filter into my room past the venetian blinds. Let me stay in my dreams, Sandman, don't bring me back into this waking world. Please. Because I know what will be the thought in my mind when I wake up, when I wipe the tears from my eyes and touch my damp pillow and bring it out to dry.

I'll never be able to say it now.

***

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows.

I can't wait. :)

Wow, the series I started reading in grade 5 is about to get finished soon. I think I'm going to feel what I felt when I finished Book 13 of Series of Unfortunate Events, only on a much larger scale because HP... for some days, it was all I had to think about positively.

***

It's apparently illegal and immoral to sell one's kidney.

According to the Department of Health, at least.

***

( The Letter Meme, where Jar-san gave me the letter O. Gah. )

Okay, this was hard. Gaah.

***

Why is it that relatives never get clothes sizes right? You gain weight or maintain it and they give you stuff that won't fit a toddler. You lose weight and they give you stuff that'd fit a sumo wrestler. >_<

***

My brother wants to buy a Magic Sing. Help!

[Note: When I say I write dark things, I mean it. At least this time I didn't watch Pokemon before this. Oh wait, I did. Bah. Who said Pokemon couldn't inspire dark things?

Oh yeah. This is about 95% true. I lied about the color of her hair.

lj-cut because I didn't want to monopolize your friends page. It takes up 1/2 of mine as it is.]

( Too bad I love you. Seventeen guys in our first year class and I chose you. You. )

( The lyrics of the song... )

***

I've been hearing rumors about a certain person and his certain schools.

I hope they are definitely not true, because irony's a bitch if they are.

***

Yeesh. The Da Vinci Code is making my house a battlefield. My father likes it (and might believe it), my sister thinks it to be so-so, and my brother is too "unbiased" to comment as he reads it. My other brother thinks it's a good one-time read, but he's out of the country taking up a MBA at Berkeley, so he's no help.

I personally liked it as much as I did Holy Blood, Holy Grail, which isn't saying much. It did pass the time back in second year or so, though. I liked Angels and Demons more, actually. And Digital Fortress.

My father is getting hyped. I'm betting that I'll be in the theater May 19, watching the dang thing on the first day.

Jeesh. It's not like they're going to change the ending or anything.

***

Jhud-san and JMan-san = supermegaintelligentandbrilliantandallthoseotheradjectivesbecausethey'regeniuses. :)

***

Waaaaaahh kakapanood ko lang nung episode ni Charmander waaaaaah.

Talaga, nakakadepress yun. Waaaaah. Damian's such a bastard. Buti nalang matalino na rin si Charmander sa dulo. Pero kahit na. Waaaaaah.

And why, pray tell, did the dubbers call onigiri (riceballs, I guess) eclairs?????