Incandescence

Okay, according to my mom who talked to someone in the registrar's office, all the transcripts for the Pisay people in UP Manila were sent out Thursday morning. So it should be received by UP Manila on Monday by the latest :) So probably all the UP campuses who don't have the Pisay people's transcripts should be getting them soon. :)

I don't know why it took so long though. Haven't heard of a reason yet.

***

What was I doing on the day of September 11, 2001?

I remember going to school. I remember going home. I remember taking off my shoes and socks. I remember using the internet, still dressed in my green skirt and white blouse. I remember being called for dinner.

I remember watching CNN and going to sleep afterwards, trying to block it out of my head.

I remember the next day in class, we listened to the radio during Araling Panlipunan (which is SocSci, I guess). I remember that black radio, broadcasting things that spoke of sadness and destruction and everything else in between. I remember the colors diminishing that day, mixing and mixing and having a sheen of palest gray.

I remember being sad around that time. I didn't really understand all the political arguments that raged on at that time but I felt so sad because of all the lives lost and all the people shouting and everything being so...

I remember feeling numb.

I remember wanting to close my eyes to the world and its cruelties.

I remember being sad because I had seen the World Trade Center the summer before my Grade 6 year and I realized I would never see it again exactly as it once was.

I remember not wanting to go on an airplane for a long while after that.

I'm sorry, I'm blabbing, but I just watched the movie and I feel sad and sadder and it's like I'm that Grade 6 girl over again.

***

I'm glad to hear you guys did well selling Cello's doughnuts, Josef-san :)

And congratulations to all the University and College Scholars :)

***

And even though I always complain about the Harry Potter movies and all the things they changed and dropped...

I'm going to go look for that trailer on the net (for OoTP) once it comes out :)

Speaking of movies, I want to watch Happy Feet :) I've seen the movie trailer a lot and I want to know what the movie is all about :) Besides dancing penguins are always good :)

***

It's hard to be sad when everyone else is sad. I keep trying to think of ways of how to cheer people up, make the load on their backs a little lighter. But all my ideas are gone, blown away in the wind, only fragments of them left fluttering and falling into my hair.

I try to find the right words to say but once I'm there, all my prose disappears.

Please guys, take care, ok?

Everybody wants to be understood
Well I can hear you...
Everybody wants to be loved
Don't give up
Because you are loved (you are loved)

You are loved (you are loved)
Don't give up (don't give up)
It's just the weight of the world!! (you are loved)
Don't give up (don't give up)
Everyone needs to be heard (don't give up)
You are loved (you are loved)
- Josh Groban, You Are Loved (Don't Give Up)

[Edited thanks to Marga-san :) Thanks!]

I've talked about my dismal relationship (if you could even call it that) with my STR groupmate with a different zodiac sign than mine (yes, my other groupmate and I have the same zodiac sign) a lot here. I'm surprised that so many people have read about it (some people I didn't even think knew me...). See here, here, here, here, here, here, and here for more excruciating details, passably worded.

But you know what? It's all useless.

Because he doesn't read it. Because he's such a bastard that he's wrapped up in his own goldfish bowl world that he doesn't even notice all the shit he puts me through. Because in his eyes I'm just Lorraine Miss Mary Sunshine, friend of all and person you can make do anything, even if it's basic crock.

Yeah. That's life. It sucks.

[And I can't even throw the links into his face because he's apparently going through some emotional turmoil right now. Damn my conscience for not wanting him to be more depressed than normal.

Even if he deserves it. Even if he deserves to get all that shit he threw at me back double.

This is why I don't like myself.]

****

Wow. Friday was woah. (Okay, I've lost all my pretty words.)

Okay. So there was that Inter-Scholastic thing, right?

So I met my old classmates from Zobel. People I never expected to see again. People from the past I never wanted to remember.

We talked. (Him and him and him and me and Sam and Ces and Ogot and even Monzon for a brief instant.) Inane stuff, like how's school, who's the teacher with you, what we learned in Math 5, etc.

Well, they got eliminated, so they left early. So we waved goodbye and all that.

You know something?

I thought I hated those people. Hated them point blank and all.

Now I realize it isn't that simple. I had fun. It was bizarre to see them again, in an environment I love and think of as my second home. It was even more bizarre to talk and laugh with them, after the hell I went through in grade school.

I guess I've become a little kinder ever since I came here.

Or maybe the wounds have started to heal, one by one, ever since I came here to Pisay. Ever since my Ruby years, Zobel has gotten further and further away, until it is but a distant memory, a nightmare that was my former life.

I guess this is part of growing up, huh?

***
( Being in the Director's List is like, woah. )
***

Wala lang. Kwento lang sa sinauna kong buhay.

I had a stalker in grade school. Ces and Sam know who he is, but I guess no one else does. He was my classmate in grade 7, but he started stalking me in grade 6. We had a bizarre relationship, to put it lightly (is it customary to be teased about your stalker? Or to be forced to sit next to him?). Ka-batch ko siya. Ka-club ko siya ng dalawang taon. (Computer Club kaming dalawa. Presidente ako for two years. Oo na, geek kaming dalawa.)

Wala lang. Top 2% rin siya. Tapos pareho pa kurso namin sa Ateneo. ME ata. Talk about bizarre coincidences.

Pero wala siya sa kainan. So baka di siya pupuntang Ateneo. Hahahaha. Nag-alala pa ako.

***

Oo nga no. May La Salle Star Scholar Orientation sa 14th. We got this key that we're supposed to bring to the orientation. >_< Made in China siya. Wow. It's supposed to unlock our potential. >_< Sana house and lot nalang. :)

Yesterday I killed 54 ants that were crawling all over my desk and distracting me from my Math homework. With rubbing alcohol. By drowning them in the liquid. And I watched them struggle for their lives, all 54 of them, and I couldn't keep myself from feeling happy.

Ah well. At least I didn't have a spray gun like I did as a child, hitting ants as they climbed up walls.

***

There are disturbing unknown insects in the dorm room. They must die in this fumigation. Thank you. One looks like a cross between a cockroach and a fly. It is hard to kill with anything other than a slipper.

***

Pinoy board game = done. Even though our materials got lost somewhere on the campus, and there was that Reader's Theater thing, it's done and in Ma'am's cubicle. Thank god. Alvin-san almost gave me a heart attack when he said that Ma'am didn't have our game yet but actually it was the Tuwaang game she didn't have yet.

I'm glad we actually thought of a game for that epic with the pointless battles. And it's a cool game since it's got elements inspired by Diablo, D & D, etc.

I miss D & D.

***

No CAT = good.

***

And for everyone who asked me about the last entry:
I feel much better now, thanks. Though it's not as bad as what you think. Really, I think the last entry was a tad ambiguous. Thanks, guys. And no, it did not involve physical rape.