rewritethepast: (Anna)
[personal profile] rewritethepast
"Cause it's one thing, or another,
I dont even know why I bother,
One thing I just can't get around..."
-Just Apathy, Tally Hall

I don't like it when people talk about me and he, saying that I should just confess and be done with it. Obviously everyone has one thing on their mind; they want to know who he is and if the only way they'll find out is if I confess, then so be it. At least, that's how everyone acts around me.

Understand this, my love isn't like what other people have. It's not the kind that needs verification, acts of affection, or even a verbal confession.

It's just love. Plain and simple, that's what it is.

It's the love I feel for him.

I didn't fall in love with him at first sight, you know. I fell in love with him because I saw the different side of him, the side that he doesn't show to most of those who know him. I saw it purely by chance that rainy day, that day back in first year.

And now he hides it still, keeps it hidden under his reckless grins and boyish antics. And still now I see the cracks in his armor, the times when the other he slips out and when he just breaks away and repairs those little chinks in his skin before anyone else notices.

I still love him because of that. I've seen the true him, the flaws he hides behind his mask, the things he tries to hide from everyone else, the things he can't accept about himself, and I still love him.

This love is painful, I know. It has always had that element.

You ask if I've ever felt discontentment, if I've ever wished he was gone from my life.

Sometimes it's not worth it anymore. It's not worth it to wake up and see him in your mind, grinning that grin of his and making your heart flutter like that. It's not worth it to go through life and watch him break your heart every day in various ways, never once repeating.

But in the end, there is still one immutable truth about me, which will never be erased.

I love him.

No, I love him that much.

January 2008

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